my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what day is it and did you see me today?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
