Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize