Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
