I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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