my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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