Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
