you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
