I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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