a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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