Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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