Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
