my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
