I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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