Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
