I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
