She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
