I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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