Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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