never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
