Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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