I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
