Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
