I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
