Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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