no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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