I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's shark week go big or go home
We're too hungover to prance.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
