Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
