I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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