her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
