Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
