Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
