p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
