So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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