hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
