this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
