I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize