Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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