So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
