Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
