evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
