well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
