I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
