I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
