Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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