Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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