I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
