I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
