i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
