Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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