we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
