I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
