I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
