Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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