just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
