So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
