yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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