weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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