Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
