I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
