so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
