You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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