We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize