this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You pole danced in your parka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
