I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
