i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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