my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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