Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize