Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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