You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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