3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
