I'm jealous of your bromance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
