Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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