I love black thongs
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
