I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
